Very few things in life are more peaceful and soul-filling than a napping toddler! Depending on your season in life, a toddlers nap time allows you to catch up on housework, have some down time, work on a hobby or simply have a nap yourself! But what do you do when they start giving up their nap time? Sometime between the approx. ages of 3-5 your child will start giving up the afternoon nap. Yikes! In our house, our first napped until he was 6 years old. It was AMAZING! He loved his nap time! Our firstborn daughter however, was pretty much done napping right before her fourth birthday and a complete bear all afternoon. A very wise and more seasoned mom friend of mine gently guided me to the idea of afternoon ‘quiet time’ when my kids were very little. In fact, I used to babysit for her when her kids were little and I can attest to the fact that in their house, it did not matter how old you were — if you were home in the afternoon and lunch was over, you had quiet time in your room or designated area. I loved that! In their home there was no arguing or fighting about what was expected. In fact, the kids actually looked forward to having some alone time in their spaces. I decided to follow suit in our house and I am so glad that I did! I have made many mistakes as a parent, but I will never be ungrateful for that little bit of advice that has given our family so much sanity over the years.
What is “Quiet Time”?
Pretty much, it is exactly how it sounds! Quiet time in the afternoon, (after lunch has been eaten AND put away) where everybody in the house moves into a designated quiet space to spend 1-2 hours alone. Sometimes, I will allow 2 siblings to play quietly together if they have a specific plan or activity that they want to do together. However, if they come out of the designated space or make loud noises or get hyper or bored, that privilege is taken away for a while until I feel they have earned another try. If the weather is beautiful outside, and the kids are old enough to be unchaperoned, they also have the option to play outdoors as long as they stay outside the entire time and don’t bother me for ANYTHING other than an emergency!
What do your kids do during “Quiet Time”?
Before quiet time begins, the kids and I will always make a bit of plan and go over the expectations. When they were really little, I would set out several books and a small toy in their beds. Often they would end up falling asleep. Win! As they get older, they are allowed to read, colour, play with a quiet toy like lego, electronics, dolls or just relax in their rooms. I have used different treats like a half-way time surprise bin, movie ticket reward system, or alternating technology like tablets or TV to keep things interesting. I always try to switch things up to keep it fun and interesting, and something that they all look forward to, as oppose to a punishment or time of dread.
What happens if they just won’t stay in their spaces?
Preschoolers, especially 3-4 year olds will have trouble staying in one space for a long period of time. They are curious, loud, full of questions and love coming out for “just one more thing!” All of my kids went through this phase. The trick during this stage is to not get upset with them, but remain consistent in your expectations. Offer a half-time reward or sticker reward system to encourage them to stay put. If you are finding that they are still struggling, start with shorter time increments; maybe 30-45 minutes at a time. If you have a really persistent toddler or preschooler, I often found it helpful to first spend 5-10 minutes of one-on-one with that child before quiet time begins. Sometimes, they just need their love tank vamped up before they begin. Play dolls with them and get their imaginations fired up, setup a tea party for their stuffed animals, read a few short stories or start building an imaginative lego world to get their minds spinning. Then, gently define your expectations with them, set a timer if you think that will help, remind them of their reward for obeying and gently slip away. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat! It is well worth it.
At what age do they stop quiet time?
If your kids are in public school, I would continue this right up until they are in school full time. If you homeschool like our family, it never stops! For our older kids, I will often have them read a chapter or page of a book before they are allowed to choose their other activity. Then, they often find themselves outside if the weather is nice, or they will stay in their room or spaces reading or playing a game. As they get older, I do allow them sometime with either a TV or a video game if all other tasks in the morning were completed well without grumbling or complaining.
What happens when you have activities or appointments in the afternoon?
Because I have seen SO much value in both the kids and my own personality by being consistent with our “quiet time” routine, I am very cautious when it comes to scheduling things outside our home during these hours. That time is considered sacred rebooting time for our family and I do not easily share that space with other commitments. However, sometimes groceries just have to happen, or that is the ONLY time you can get in to see the dentist or pick up your van from the mechanic. When that happens, I will do my best to bring along quiet time activities on the go, and will return to our routine the very next day.
What kinds of rewards or systems have you used in the pass to keep “Quiet Time” interesting?
I have used MANY different approaches to encourage quiet time in our home and will be writing a separate post about it here in the next few days.
I would encourage any mom, whether homeschooling or not to try and implement quiet time in their afternoons. Parenting is hard work! Making meals, cleaning, teaching, running to appointments or activities, discipline…. it is all SO exhausting. As moms, we need time to reboot and to rest too. Don’t neglect yourself in the process of caring for your family. It is okay to spend some alone time to fill up your own cup!
You can do this!
—Holly
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